Just like the other Ram trucks in this 2014 litter, the 1500 ProMaster can be used for both business and boyishness, and (cue Miss Coco Peru from Trick) “it’s big, it’s beautiful, and you’re gonna love it.” Let those lazy hazy crazy days of summer begin.

What are we as the homosexual genus if we can’t take anything portable and turn it into a rolling American picnic worthy of softball, wienies and apple martinis? I said yes and checked my insurance coverage. Grace (oops) Melissa said sure, but all she had was the gigantic 20 ProMaster Cargo truck with “High Roof”.

Right before I left for Roanoke, Virginia, in April, I asked Melissa (who has all the grace and will and more of Grace Adler of Will and Grace) if I could have a car so I could putz around Denver buying toiletries, snacks and intimate apparel for my trip.